Dreams are an essential part of growing up. They teach you hard work and lead you into becoming the adult you want to be. I fondly remember a few of the things I wanted to be as I grew up..
When I was 5 years old I dreamt of becoming the Red Power Ranger. I think I really just wanted a giant mecha T-Rex, crashing into shit and eating mecha herbivores. To make this a little shorter, I will say that I also wanted to be: Spiderman, Superman, Captain Planet, Harry Potter, a dog, and a mouse that could drive a sports car. I don’t remember when I grew out of this, but it was probably when I realized it was complete bullshit (I still kinda want to be a dog though).
When I got to be a little older I wanted to be a scientist. I figured that if nobody was doing experiments that created heroes and villains, I would bite the bullet and put in the effort to research the effects gamma radiation, aliens, and irradiated spiders.
I set about realizing this dream by mixing every chemical that we had on the farm together in various combinations in my room. I remember distinctly the day this dream died. It was the day when I mixed bleach with food colouring (clearly intended to create a black hole) in a vinegar bottle. The catalyst of this experiment was to be baking soda, so I dropped in a healthy load of it (all scientific like) and then… WHOOSH! All over the ceiling of my room. I decided that it would be next to impossible to hide this from my father, so I confessed when he returned from the field. I lost the desire to create heroes that day. As for the stain, it remained until the entire room was repainted 😀
Another well thought out life path that I desired to follow was the way of the Ninja. A career as a stealth killing machine was an attractive idea to my 11 year old mind. I took it upon myself to start sneaking around the house hiding in corners, learning the patterns of my family members so I would know their precise locations at all times. During one such mission I decided to hide in this plastic art stand that had on one side a white board, and on the other a giant pad of paper. In between these was a table I stealthily pushed up against the wall and perched myself upon. I then proceeded to sit there, as still and silent as a ninja could, for a couple hours. In this silent time frame my parents came to the inevitable conclusion that something terrible had happened to me. I heard them searching and calling my name, but I thought it was a merit to ninja-ness to remain hidden. Plus, what kind of badass ninja reveals themselves when their mothers call them? When my mother was at what I figured to be her limit, I revealed my self in a dramatic fashion. Shortly following my great leap into the kitchen (supported with a “TA DA” worthy of the greatest magicians) was a swift kick to the ass delivered by my father. Needless to say I felt like being a ninja a great deal less then.
Learning from my previous disasters I decided to go for a more realistic vocation. I concluded that I would be and adventurer – blazing trails into the unknown! This dream was born and murdered on a family trip to British Columbia. Surrounded by a natural beauty that the farm land back home couldn’t match, we decided to wander into the forest a bit. Walking through the giant trees, up hills, and over the mossy forest floor that depressed gently under our feet, we came to a stream. Sadly, the moment of bliss was quickly interrupted by my frantic father rushing towards us. He enlightened us to the fact that it was astoundingly easy to get lost in the forest and that there was a series of cougar attacks coinciding with our arrival in the province. He presented a highly logical argument to the effect he’d rather none of us get mauled on this trip, and I decided to retire from the adventurer’s life.
Other failed dreams with less of a story behind them include:
- Football Hero
- Lead Singer
- Cartoonist\animator\Comic book artist
- Scuba Diver
- Time Traveler – I always enjoyed the “cause and effect” aspect of time traveling.
- Mystery Hunter – Like Scooby Doo
- Porn Star – Made sense to my teen aged mind to get all the sex you could want, AND get paid for it.