Rock Paper Scissors. There’s no real excitement to it is there? Where is the thrill of the hunt? The risk? The splendor? Not here, that’s for sure.
This is why I have created a new game. You want to play it. It’s the Google to your Yahoo, the Facebook to your Myspace, the hamburger to your sandwich.
It’s Rock Paper Scissors 2.0.
It’s a revelation.
History will be remember in two sections: before and after the game was invented.
It’s here, and it’s called…
Rock Paper Scissors COMPROMISING SITUATION.
Whoah, that just happened. Let me explain what you’ve just witnessed while you pick your jaw up off the floor.
Rock Paper Scissors COMPROMISING SITUATION (RPSC) is like regular Rock Paper Scissors, but with the addition of COMPROMISING SITUATION (always written in caps). The COMPROMISING SITUATION sign is thrown by holding out your hand in a “STOP!” fashion, as if you were Superman stopping a bus from running over a bunch of little kids or something. COMPROMISING SITUATION is special because it always wins. It’s as simple as throwing out that glorious stop sign and BOOM! You’ve won!
But wait, there’s a catch! In the event that both parties throw out a COMPROMISING SITUATION, the situation becomes compromised, and the following takes place:
That’s right, and it’s exactly what it looks like (well, assuming you think it looks like two guys pressing their hands together about to smooch). Both parties much hold their “STOP!” sign’s together, and kiss once on the lips. Thus making the entire situation… COMPROMISED!
And unlike normal RPS, this does not result in a tie, this is fact results in a loss for both parties… if you couldn’t already tell.
Why is this game great? Seriously you have to ask that!? It’s great because it’s the ultimate mind game! Each round the notion goes through your head that you could just throw out the COMPROMISING SITUATION and win. I mean, who would ever do it, right? The thought of kissing your opponent on the lips should deter most people. You should be able to get away with it… unless your opponent is thinking THE EXACT SAME THING! Can you take that chance?!?! OMG IT’S TOO MUCH THINKING! BRAIN EXPLOSION!
Obviously the effect is totally lost on people who don’t mind kissing, like really touchy-feely “I-love-you-so-much-and-I’m-going-to-remind-all-our-friends-every-30-seconds” couples. In that case I devise alternate rules: A third party will volunteer their butt to be kissed by both parties, at the same time, in place of (what would be in this case) a disgustingly public (and sloppy) make out session. Trust me, butt-volunteers will not be in short supply.
Making people uncomfortable is ALWAYS a good time.
-Jordan “Seriously, I’m not gay” Mann